A Fish Out Of Water
by Juanita Dark
Summary: "It's not so much a party, as a get-out-of-jail-free-and-thanks-for-saving-our-butts bash. Proving that we don't only think of her as a walking assault charge waiting to happen." [Ensemble]


  
** Title**: A Fish Out Of Water  
  
** Author**: Juanita Dark  
  
** Rating**: PG-13  
  
** Spoilers**: Angel Season 3. AU. Staying true up until Billy but really w-a-y past that.  
  
** Summary**: "It's not so much a party, as a get-out-of-jail-free-and-thanks-for-saving-our-butts bash. Proving that we don't only think of her as a walking assault charge waiting to happen."  
  
** Disclaimer**: They belong to Joss & Co. I'm not gonna cry about it. I will however get my jollies playing dice with his universe. No infringement intended. No profit tended. My goodwill to Fox extended. You get the idea...  
  
** Author's Notes**: Somewhere along the line I created an alternate universe to S3. You know, in my head. While this timeline does have a different sequence of events it's not that radical a departure from the norm (well, not to me anyway) - and hey, it's entertaining.   
  
I had originally intended to write (and then post) all my AU stories in sequence so it wasn't confusing for the reader unfortunately, however, my muse don't play that. Sorry.   
  
For other fics in this series, see _Inside_. I've put a few of the things you need to know below but my advice? Don't think too hard about the details or it may make your head hurt. A lot.  
  
  
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** THINGS YOU MIGHT FIND HELPFUL IN THE MOUNTING CONFUSION**:  
  
  
1. This fic takes place in an alternate timeline (that diverges from the canonical one after Billy) in the far-ish future, after a battle with Angelus has been effectively resolved.  
  
2. Angel (still-undead and re-souled) now carries Cordy's visions.  
  
3. Cordelia (still human and not completely free of her visionity) now has an empathic connection to Angel.  
  
4. Wesley has returned to England to visit his father.  
  
5. Gunn has a broken arm  
  
6. Fred is still her wonderful weird self.  
  
And:  
  
7. Faith is out of prison - under unusual circumstances - and very much a part of the gang.  
  
8. Lorne is still around, as is Caritas.  
  
9. The Hyperion has been commandeered by Wolfram & Hart, so the living arrangements are shared between the three available appartments - with Fred sharing with Gunn; Angel sharing with Wesley; and Faith sharing with Cordelia.  
  
10. Everyone thinks Connor (the baby) is dead -- but he's not (like after The Price). Therefore he is not directly referred to.  
  
11. There's this thing with Harmony that I'm not explaining - because I want you to read the other stuff I post in this series. So there.  
  
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** A Fish Out Of Water**  
  
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I need sugar...I get thoughts about you  
And the night wants me like a little lost child  
Locked in the safe place   
Jumbo ~ Underworld  
  
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Of late, there was very little that surprised Cordelia Chase - not death, not visions, ESP, unexpected love children, hell or high water. But that wasn't entirely true was it? It did surprise her that Gunn actually had all the proper (if chipped) paraphernalia for cake making. She sure as hell didn't have her own spatula. When had that happened?  
  
Presumably, about the time she had discovered she needed advice on, of all things, baking.   
  
The recent months of madness were at last winding down; there was calm instead of chaos, and everyone was just healing, adapting, flying across the Atlantic, or just making out the best they could. Evil was finally backing off and they were - once again - one big, quite likely unhinged, family. She liked to flatter herself by thinking she could still hold everyone together. She was doing the cake-mixing, team mom thing pretty well.   
  
Okay she was improvising.   
  
Things weren't going back to normal any time soon, if at all. But, you know, there were constants. Like Fred being Fred, and Gunn not exactly taking well to enforced down time. Occasionally he stroked at his arm where it met the plaster cast, making Fred nervous - and when Fred was nervous, she ate... another constant. It was homey, it was cute, it was... really annoying that Fred kept dipping into the cake mix when she thought Cordelia couldn't see or swat her.   
  
"Hey!"   
  
Again with the tasting.   
  
This time Fred doesn't even bother to disguise it. She offers some to Gunn on her fingertips - and Cordelia can't blame him for turning it down.  
  
"Mmm. Needs something. Vanilla?" Fred offers her valid, physics-educated opinion, and fixedly ignores Cordelia's pointed glare.  
  
"I didn't think Faith was the vanilla type," Gunn counters making Fred facial shrug and concede the point, with a tip of the head that makes the brown curls on her shoulders shift slightly.  
  
Cordelia smiles to herself and continues stirring, while turning slightly and glancing around the kitchen trying to figure out if Gunn's going to surprise her again with vanilla pods or some kind of foody essence of whatever goes in cakes these days. She is, she decides, going to have to ask. Which, of course, means admitting that she hadn't known what to look for on her last trip to the 7-11. Watching Fred goof with Charles, she takes it on herself to toss pennies in the conversational well.  
  
"Yeah, well right now, Flava o' Faith equals cake mix plus strychnine - which kinda equals murder."  
  
"Try almond," Gunn suggests.  
  
"Nuts?" She hadn't thought of that.  
  
Fred, cooing from her place against Gunn's good arm, licks the last of the mix from her fingers: "Mmm, nuts."  
  
Cordelia considers it for a second before throwing back: "That's Flava o' Fred."  
  
"And chocolate," Fred adds. "Dark chocolate."  
  
Cordelia leans back from the bowl for a moment and observes the lovebirds that are Gunn and Fred. Absently, she brushes her hair from her eyes with the back of a hand, and tries not to remind herself why it's currently trimmed so short. She smirks again as Gunn (responding to Fred's earlier mock-attack of the killer cake-hand) pretends to bite at Fred, and Fred chuckling and leans backwards on her seat before grabbing, hugging and kissing his good arm through the shirt. Yep, Cordelia snarks to herself, nuts and chocolate all right.   
  
Gunn straightens as he realises she's watching them - and tapping the chipped bowl with her wooden spoon - something she hadn't noticed herself; he rejoins their previous train of thought.  
  
"So, where's Faith anyway?"   
  
"Somewhere. Anywhere." Cordelia's brows come close to knitting together. "It's not like we could electronically tag her." No matter how much we might want to.  
  
"Maybe she's with Angel?" the proximity of Fred's lips from Gunn's arm has a muffling effect.  
  
"With Angel?" Cordelia doesn't realise she tapping the bowl again until it rings out in protest.   
  
She tries to get a fix of where her connection to Angel's presence begins and grudgingly lets his senses invade her for a moment. There. There it is. She squints a little.  
  
"Yep, she's with him. Which is a good because-" She grips the edge of the bowl, and lets his pain pass down her spine harmlessly. "He just had a vision."  
  
"What now?" Fred says. "It's still daylight."  
  
"Well the spiney, slime creature of doom is in the sewers, so no melba-toast experiences there."  
  
"You okay?" Faith's voice and face loom up at her. The back of her head hurts.  
  
Cordelia shakes her head to clear it, feels Angel rub the back of his head with one hand while accepting Faith's arm up with his other.  
  
"I'm fine," she replies with him. Making Gunn and Fred look up at her reply to no one. She flinches slightly under the dual gaze.  
  
"You know," she minces, "This is just as weird for me, as it is for you."  
  
  
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End file.
